.:Dieselboy:.

2009-12-24T07:42:00.000-08:00

Crossing the Line...

It feels sometimes like I'm not allowed to feel anything. There's always some reason or another... sometimes logical. I'm alil' sick of logical though...

2009-06-15T12:56:00.000-07:00

...Clarity

We arrived at Wrights Beach Camping at the usual time of about 10pm... it's dark with some thunder clouds (cumulonimbus) building along the mountains lining the eastern shore of Skaha lake. The air is warm and thick... almost hot despite the time of day. A cold front rubbing against the warm air is creating a magnificent light show.

I'm walking through the campsites with my shirt off taking in the spectacle. Fifteen rain drops fall in all of Penticton despite the humidity and the lightening. Cool but not cold, the drops touch my skin creating a refreshing sensation when combined with the heat of the night. Any thoughts pre-occupying my attention fell to the wayside allowing me to feel rather than think. Something I should probably do more of.

My mind of late has been searching for an answer to questions that have been occupying my thoughts more and more. Now whether these are in response to the pending 10 year grad reunion, or the realization that time has been marching on while I have been pursuing goals solely directed towards climbing, I'm not sure. The other day while at the coffee shop eating lunch, a young woman who doesn't work the lunch shift very often, was questioned about my age by the woman who does. Her first guess was 30... her second was half heartedly 22.

Reflecting on the past five or six years has reminded me of some fairly amazing moments in my life. I think about some of the experiences that I have had and taken for granted as regular occurrences if not daily ones, trying to relive them as though for the first time. I also reflect on the amount of energy I put forth towards climbing and its impact on the decisions I make in my day to day life. Reflect on my spending habits not only in terms of money, but time and how this too effects my life.

For a while a lot of the thoughts were focused on the negative things that have come of my choices. Things that have not happened in my life, the things I have chosen not to participate in, things I do not posses, the inexperience. The inhibitions I have and fears that follow them. All these thoughts lead me think whether I should be redirecting my attention and focus towards other things. Whether I live in a world created by myself, as a means of escaping the parts of life that I choose not deal with as they interfere with my pursuit of climbing. A passion bordering on obsession. Looking around me, people are buying houses, getting married, have children, investing in the future, in some cases working from 9am until 9pm. All lasting commitments. I do not fall into this life style yet parts of it appeal to me.

I used to be able to sit in front of a boulder problem or stand in front of a route and have a clear mind and sense of certainty that brought with it peace and focus. I do not have this right now.

The following morning arrives with bright blue sky and a brilliant sun. The air, though cooler than the previous night, reveals a warm day ahead. I slide out of the sleeping bag and into my climbing pants. Once opened, the tent door and vestibule frame a picture of beauty. Light blue morning sky sitting atop a layered hill side, cut horizontally with canyons of various sizes revealing rock faces of the Gneiss variety. Tree's spattered across the hillside down to a rich deep blue lake that spills onto the stretch of beach in front of my dirty feet.

2009-05-21T12:36:00.000-07:00

...When you Least Expect...

Two fingers jab me in the ribs from behind the couch in an attempt to tickle me...
resisting the urge to squirm away I reach behind me and tickle her...
pulling her over the couch she starts giggling...
curls up on the couch beside me...
stretches her legs across my lap...

2009-03-31T13:42:00.000-07:00

New Boulders...

While out and about with a couple friends last Sunday, (re)scrubbing some boulders in the Hope area, we happened upon two that have yet to see any development!

I'm pretty stoked to scrub these off and contribute my own first assents to the growing number of problems in the area :)

I'll hopefully post pic's of the rock with problems next week...
along with info and names if they are sent...

2009-03-25T10:11:00.000-07:00

...and Roll When You're Ready.

My side is stretched to its max as I reach from under the boat to it's side...
The paddle moves from parallel to perpendicular in relation to the boat and my body...
I flick my hips, pushing the paddle flat in the water...
The boat rolls smoothly, pulling my upper body up and out of the water...
Chlorinated snot water runs out my nose...

Despite a feeling of being physically tired, I'm happier inside than I'm sure I was showing outside.

2009-03-08T10:06:00.000-07:00

Inspiration!

For the month or longer I have had an empty feeling inside while climbing. A feeling that something is not quite right and as much as my finger may not be 100%, it has yet to cause me any issues therefore eliminating it as the source. I have had few outside stresses from work, girls, or friends yet still something has been off.

During this feeling I was trying to analyze why, and could not come to a solid conclusion. Analyzed things like fitness level, physical strength, flexibility, and general movement. I was not moving right, over powering stuff that should be easy and just generally climbing like crap.

I watched a video this morning while laying in bed, one put together by Sonnie Trotter while in Hueco Tanks, Texas; and I may have figured out why.

...Inspiration.

I didn't realize it until just that moment when both my feet and hands were suddenly sweaty and clammy. A desire to train harder and push my limits flooded my mind.

The video has been posted to facebook :)

2009-01-13T15:32:00.000-08:00

Am I Living the Life I Want?...

I look around me and it looks like one of those cold, early mornings where the mist hangs low... the pre-sunrise light flattens everything, colours are less vibrant... washed out in the grey and depth perception is skewed.

2008-12-29T20:58:00.000-08:00

I Climbed Once...

I sit here looking through the photo's of the past year...

typical that the majority of them are of people climbing or from the time during a climbing excursion...

It has been three weeks since the last time I have climbed...

and 11 weeks since the injury...

...11 weeks since the last time I was able to climb at my then current potential.

My knuckle no less swollen than 10 weeks ago. The same on and off again dull pain in the knuckle with slight stiffness in the joint preventing me from completely straightening my finger without discomfort...

...a constant reminder that it is not getting any better.

A trip is coming up in the near future... one that I have been anticipating since last summer... South Africa. Up until last week my only concerns with this trip had been the financial side and the reliability of other people that started this plan. Will I have enough money... what can I do without... how will I afford this and the camera I want... are they still interested in going, even though their lives have taken a pretty significant twist.

...then this last week I look down at my finger, feeling that reminder once again, and started thinking about how long it has been... 11 weeks and still no significant improvement.

Now I fear that it will not be money that keeps me from going... but my finger.

2008-11-22T23:31:00.000-08:00

Seattle Bouldering Challenge...

I wake up to the numbers 5:45 showing on my alarm clock in all the darkness. A quick realization that 5:45 is exactly 15 minutes later than it should be for me to get up, I hop out of bed, grab a towel and head for the shower.

While in the shower it dawned on me that my knee, which as little at 10 hours ago was not feeling up for the strains typically put upon it while climbing, was in fact feeling pretty amazing. So much so that I instantly got excited with the idea that I may actually be climbing today and not just driving 3 hours to watch some climbing.

After packing up my clothes I quickly head down to the car, rush over to Tiffany's to pick everyone else up. All five of us pack into my car, make the obligatory stop at Starbucks and head for the boarder. The drive down goes quick with only a little hiccup once arriving in the Ballard area where I missed a turn and ended up on the wrong street but with a little driving around found the right street and soon after arrived at Stone Gardens climbing gym.

We find parking around back by the train tracks and head in to register. Once registered we wait patiently for the competition to begin.

The time finally arrives, after announcing the rules of the competition we all move into the bouldering areas and start climbing. The chalk start floating through the air and the plastic holds haven't looked this appealing in a long time.

The hours go by and everyone climbs the best they could muster that day all the while remembering that even though this is a competition, having fun takes the priority.

It felt truly wonderful just to climb again. The last four weeks had been very demoralizing about my future with climbing. The recent injury to my finger while playing football and the injury to my knee not two days before the competition. The fact that I was climbing at all was refreshing and was giving me hope that I will recover and be able to climb at the same level I was at prior to.

All in all it was a great day for everyone, people left inspired and motivated.

2008-11-20T22:19:00.000-08:00

...Pains in Life

In sheer frustration I yell near the top of my lungs "FUCK... FUUUCK"... as I sit in my car, frustrated beyond the ability to form intelligent sentences and keep my thoughts in my head.

...40 minutes earlier I jumped off of an easy climb and landed awkwardly with a pain shooting through my knee...

Instantly I know what the next month or two looks like...
...combined with the injured finger it's looking more and more like a prolonged exile from bouldering... for the first time in 5 years a significant break from climbing has forced it's way into my life... all this work... after all the success I've had this year...

...I guess this is my bodies way of saying it's time to rest... or recuperate..

My only hope is that I will come back stronger than ever before...

*sigh*

2008-08-11T09:19:00.000-07:00

...Summer

I lay on the crash pad staring at the leaves and pine needles above me... friends chattering away and taking pictures is a distant sound in the background. My mind relaxed now, thoughts of the past six months slowly creep in. I reflect on the happenings of the past and the possibilities of the future.

Such as the fact that I have been climbing almost non-stop since March and my body is starting to ask for a break. That I have met a few amazing people and helped introduce or re-introduce them to a sport that I love. That keeping pace with previous years I have been to at least one new place and tried one new sport.
My future plans remain short term... Spring 2009 France for two weeks, South Africa for four...
...or are those long term plans for me...?
A sense of breaking out of the normal routines is getting stronger with each passing day and week. Am I making the right choices for me or the choices I've been programmed to make?

2008-07-08T09:09:00.000-07:00

Painful Decisions...

After all the promise and thought provoking idea's surrounding the possibilities of being single and living in a nice condo... my bank account, credit card and wallet have told me that this is not a place for a person living their life by the seat of their pants. A life where random trips barely planned are common place... where day trips to Squamish were considered common place.

This is not the case any more. My debt and rent are consuming more than 70% of my income now and this is not acceptable. Therefore I am now putting myself out there for alternative living situations... hopefully involving a roommate or two to bring the rent costs back under control and me back into my life style of choice. I had entertained the idea of a second job... while that would fix the financial situation... that will introduce a new dilemma of having time to do anything.

...if there is [a] relatively tidy, honest person[s] out here in my area that is interested please contact me.

I'm looking to rent a condo or basement suite. A house will be entertained but it would have to be with more than 2 people in it.

I hate the idea of moving twice in less than 4 months but I hate the idea of not having the freedom to do what ever I want even more.

2008-06-12T06:56:00.000-07:00

...Driving Fast and Taking Chances!

I slowly wake this morning to the sight of clean, white, blank walls around me. The smell of my pillow fills my nostril with each half awake breath. My bed sitting off center in the middle of my room, makes it feel like a new space. The blinds partially tilted towards the ceiling and my alarm clock and cell phone on the floor with the cords running towards the wall.

I close my eyes and re-open them.

I roll over and sit up.
My jeans, shirt socks and briefs lay on the floor.
I stand up and climb into my clothes.

Opening the door I'm greeted by the sight of my dresser in the hallway on the left.
I turn right, into the washroom.
Brushing my teeth, I look into the mirror and realize this is the second to last morning I will have at this house.

Moments later I'm in my car sliding a new Tricky album into the CD player. I feel good this morning... no... I feel great! Almost a wierd feeling that I haven't had in a while. My body still has it's little aches and pains. My neck is sore when I look left, the right side of my lower back is sore, my fingers are tight from climbing. I really should goto the doctor about my neck.

After pulling out of the drive way I find it is easier now. Easier to drive away from the place that I've shared so many memories over the last two years.

I continue onto Marshall. Gaining speed. Once past the intersection of McCallum I continue down the hill. I stop at Starbucks grab my Chai Latte and Muffin, climb back into my car and continue on to work. This time though I really put my foot into it. Accelerating quickly, I glide through the gears until I'm really cruising.

It feels good. I'm excited about the future and what it may have in store.

2008-05-31T01:28:00.000-07:00

Life is a Mysterious Thing...

I sit here, mere hours before having to be awake again, thinking how different life has been for me over the last couple months. What started as a means of escaping/releasing boxed up emotions suddenly grew into something more... what that thing is, I'm not quite sure.

Since mid march I have been to California... twice, Oregon, Washington, Utah, and Alberta to boulder/climb... without mentioning the numerous trips to Squamish in between. During that same period of time I have discovered a great desire to grow and change as a person... to experience new cultures... Have felt both a need to quit my job and a fear that I may loose my job. Have met more new people than I can remember...
I'll be moving out on my own for the first time in four years which is both exciting and scary... I have friends around me who are making monumental life decisions as well. Decisions that can sometimes make my choices and thoughts seem like pocket change in the grand scheme of things.

I think a lot of this is good...
but still I sit here...
and wonder...
am I living life to its full potential?
what life has in store for me next?
...and will I be ready.

2008-05-06T21:51:00.000-07:00

...

Despite the fact that I have great friends...
great family...
I still have this empty feeling...

a feeling of being alone in life... I am so fucking tired of this feeling.

I try to control myself... and the desire to go out with someone purely to have them there filling this void... I don't want to get involved with someone because of this feeling. I want to be involved with someone whether for the rest of my life or for one night because of mutual passion. Purely physical, mental or anything other than for the sake of not being alone.

2008-04-15T23:34:00.000-07:00

A Journey of Self Discovery...

It is amazing how you can spend your entire life in one place... not just any place...
but the place where your family is... the place where your friends are... a sheltered place…
the place where you keep your things...

*chuckle*

... things... near the end of the trip, I lay in my sleeping bag as the sun grows hot and warms the inside of the tent. I lay there thinking about all the things that I really missed back home after two weeks of being away, living out of a tent and my car. Of all the things that I owned, possessed, shared, was a part of... was not a part of... all I could think of that I really, truly missed were my friends/family... and my bed.

Now that I am home... and can sleep in my bed... talk with my friends and family…
I miss that feeling of waking up in the morning with no notion as to what lays ahead of you... and knowing full well that you just slept 10 hours straight. I miss meandering over to Ben and Claudia's van for a morning chat about anything... or sipping espresso with Ju and Nadia while Loui-Felix and Cedar play in the dirt… eating breakfast with Thomas and Thomasina. Chatting with Val, Richard and Jay about the day ahead... slack line or climb? Climb or slack line?

It has been only a few days since returning and already I'm in full swing with work... wondering if I shouldn't be working over time. Answering the questions that have been waiting for my return… trying to meet the expectations of so many customers. 'I need my paper work for tender'... 'I need the drawings'... 'How much is this option... and how does it compare to this'...

...I don't want to be here, at my desk...

I think while away, a longing for travelling and experiencing life in new places grew stronger inside. Already I have a trip to Smith Rock in the works… and possibly a trip to Utah… I’m already thinking of going to France next year.

Maybe soon enough I’ll be comfortable enough with the idea of just leaving that… I will.

I will sell everything… my precious car… my bed… my hockey card collection… sell it all and just leave. I’m reading a book written by Donald Miller called ‘Through Painted Deserts’ and at the beginning it talks about the word ‘leave’. How it represents an idea with force.

Hmmm… what would it be like to leave…

2008-03-19T12:51:00.000-07:00

A Moment of Weakness...

As I flip through the pictures stored on my phone, looking for the one of the Tiberghien family to email... I discover pictures that I had taken of her. Each one flooding my mind with the memories from the past six months, both good and bad.

...mostly good :)

[...fuck...]

2008-03-18T13:27:00.000-07:00

...Compassion or the Lack there of...

I waiting at the traffic lights for the intersection of Montrose and George Ferguson when I noticed a gentleman standing at the corner pushing the button to activate the cross walk. He was wearing a hat and holding a pole with a fuzzy round end on it. I sat there wondering what the pole was about and why he looked like he was staring off in space.

He was pushing the button repeatedly with conviction. The my light turns green and the car in front starts to pull through the intersection and turn left onto George Ferguson. Slowly I might add. I roll forward still watching the gentleman push the button with seemingly increased frustration.

The car in front of me continues through the intersection and I slowly follow. The only [coherent] thought in my head being 'why isn't he crossing the street?'. And then it dawned on me as I continued through the intersection, that he is trying intently to hear the chirrrp or bleeep that is associated with the majority of the cross walks in the Abbotsford downtown area. A signal for blind people that it is okay to cross the street, only this crosswalk was void of any bleeeping or chirrrping.

Another series of thoughts came to me...
How long has this poor guy been standing at this light?
How many times has he pushed that button?
Why is there no audible signal at this light?
Why has no one yelled at him that the light was good or stopped to help?

...Why...
...am I not stopping to help him?

...I'm slightly ashamed to say I continued driving...

2008-03-12T10:34:00.001-07:00

...Language Barriers cont'd...

Language strikes again... after talking some more with her a realization dawned on me... that I was way more confused about what was going on than I needed to be. All this was brought on by a discovery that her use of tenses was used inappropriately creating a false timing for certain events in relation to other events. As well as misinterpretation of intended meanings, being that certain words were used in a context that would lead someone (myself) to believe that things were still happening even though, really they weren't... anymore. It doesn't excuse the fact that the initial events happened over an unacceptably short period of time, or seemingly so... but... I'm done with that.

All of this over numerous conversations had lead to a ball of confusion... swirling around in my head as I tried to understand her, and what she was/is thinking about me and other people. It was getting to the point where I was contemplating whether I was strong enough to still be friends with her because of how I was feeling. Because of this confusion it had made things seem worse to me, than they truly were. I realize this today and thinking about it makes me a little bit embarrassed that I would have threatened a friendship over something as simple as the context of a sentence or paragraph!

I laugh now... seeing that maybe my past blogs about this very topic may have served to be a form of foreshadowing to the mess of emotions I've been trying to deal with over the last month.

lol!!
:)

2008-03-05T11:23:00.000-08:00

Analysis...

Through numerous discussions with CaM... I have gone through what some would call a phase of self analysis and discovered a few things about me that I either didn't know or knew but forgot somewhere along the way... they are listed in the order they came to me...

Girls with French Accents, Long Legs, Ridiculously Cute Smiles, Wide eyes and Shape... drive me crazy in all ways possible!
I think too much... maybe at some point in my life I took the phrases like 'look before you leap' and 'think before you speak' too literally and therefore have prevented myself from taking risks that could have helped me become a better, more well rounded person with more life experience than I currently have.
I can love some one who occasionally smokes... (this is a big deal).
I can love and feel loved by others.
I can hurt more than I ever thought possible.
I can be angry with someone and still love them.
I can be jealous... a feeling that I had considered myself to be better than... apparently I need to work on that still.
I'm not doing, nor currently planning to do any of the things I would like to while I'm still young(ish). I would like to change this... soon.
I have become a working stiff by the age of 26... and am for some reason ashamed of it. And somewhat fear full that if I lose/quit my job... my life would become uncomfortable.
I only do some of the things I consider fun... and may have become a bit of a prude because of it. I take myself a little too seriously.
I have not been living life to the fullest. I currently live more for the distant future than for the present or very near future. I would like to change this.
The desire to live my life and experience everything in it with someone else, runs deeper than I ever imagined. I have a fear of being alone in life despite the fact I'm surrounded by great friends and family.

[Arbyn should love this :) ]

2008-03-02T17:04:00.001-08:00

...Finally

I finally told her what has been on my mind for the last couple days...
...maybe now I can sleep.

It hurt to tell her... I hate making people sad.

After she left I just sat in my car for 10 minutes. Staring at the condo's being built across the street as the rush of blood left my face...

I hope we are still friends... that I didn't scare her away.
It would be a shame to lose that friendship after all that has happened.

2008-02-18T23:20:00.000-08:00

Sometimes...

I'm still having a hard time believing that I will never again feel her sweet kiss...
her warm body in my arms... become intoxicated with the smell of her hair and skin...
....feel her love...

Deep down I have a fear...
...a fear that knows I will never find anyone like her.
That she is one of a kind...

I laugh a little because I still love her... love her more than a friend, even though a friend is all I am now.
I laugh a little because a girl, whom I didn't even know existed seven months ago, who is still so young... could affect me in this way. Even now when we hang out none of what has happened in the last two weeks between us comes to mind. I'm lost in the moment of spending time with her... laughing, talking... hearing about her adventures, work, family and friends! Nothing else enters my mind until I feel an urge to hold her hand... or put my arm around her to keep her warm.

I still wonder why this happened at all... it is not clear to me why this had to end now...
...*chuckle*

Please don't get the wrong impression... I respect the decision made and can live with it... this is merely me, writing what's on my mind... some of the thoughts and questions I have.

She told me, or maybe warned me, numerous times... 'I'm a complicated girl' in her French accent rolling off her pouty lips in a way that would melt the heart of any man. With her wide eyes mesmorizing me with stare that pierces to the core. All I can think to myself is 'I want you to be happy... hopefully I make you happy'.

I asked myself a question on one of the few evenings we didn't spend together. The question was, 'If she asked me to move to France... for her... would I?'

A friend told me the other day that when a relationship ends in such a way that one person is completely unaware that something was even wrong, that all you remember are the good times. That it is hard to see the bad times that caused the situation. I think that's what confuses me the most right now, because in my eyes there were no bad times to blame anything on! For me this was so sudden that it still doesn't make sense that it happened at all! Sure whole thing lasted two weeks before something was decided, but the initial problem felt like it had come about in the period of one day.

Sometimes this makes me sad... and I don't know what I can do, or could have done to make things different. Part of me wants to fight for her, try to make her see things my way.
But to what end?
Her leaving a couple months later anyways?
Another part of me feels that I shouldn't have to make her see things my way... if it was meant to be.

Then this small part of me realizes that I think too much and should just go too sleep... because in the morning it will be a new day and life will go on. You never really know what life has in store for you! Just when you think you have it all figured out...
:)

*All I want is for you to be happy! Remember that! ;)

2008-02-12T08:08:00.000-08:00

...Starbucks?!

I think I just came to a realization that maybe the reason I've been feeling a little strung out with some wierd mood swings is due to a steady increase in the amount of coffee I have been drinking...

...I think I'm going to stop drinking coffee and see what happens :)

2008-02-11T13:27:00.000-08:00

Fuck! Shit!
Sometimes I really should just keep my mouth shut and not say anything...

...after a really good weekend, I had to go and bring it up again...like an idiot.
I realized mere moments after saying something that I should stop being so impatient and wait to see where things go...

...I really hope this doesn't adversely affect anything!

2008-02-06T10:26:00.000-08:00

Everythin' is Gunna Be Alright...!

After five days of pondering the wants and needs of my heart without knowing the intention of the other heart involved...

Frustration and confusion of not knowing and then knowing but not understanding...
Mis-interpretation of words, feelings and intentions of both mind and heart (more so on my part)...
Over reacting in my head and over analyzing creating restless nights and loss of sleep...

Not to mention this enormous ball in my stomach...

I remembered a couple key things that set me at ease... released me from my over-active imagination...
a.) I love her.
b.) She loves me.
c.) What happens... happens... all I can do is enjoy my time here, with her :)
d.) And in the immortal words of Bob Marley 'Everythin' is gunna be alright!'

Hopefully this experience makes us both stronger and better people in the lives we lead!

I regret nothing!
...and I hope she doesn't either!

:)

Ps. I have some very amazing friends! I'm lucky...

2008-01-24T10:49:00.000-08:00

...Dreamin' the Day Away...

I find myself thinking more and more about getting away from it all... it has been close to 10 months since my last epic climbing trip with Joleen, Lorraine, Jason, Manuel and I'm itching to experience it all again. I am hoping that my current injuries will pass... that I will be strong and in good shape all around.

...I have my doubts.

I was climbing my hardest just before christmas making quick work of a project in Squamish called It's About Time - V6... feeling strong.

Since then if has gone down hill...
my Sportiva Mantra's are now bagged out...
my right index finger is giving me problems... and I seem to have put on some unnecessary weight in the last month.

I think its time to re-enact my strict diet habits... start hiking/trail running again... start my integration/weight training again.

The bouldering competition in February will be a good judge as to where I'm sitting right now in terms of ability...

2008-01-14T14:26:00.000-08:00

*Excited*...
They're here! They're here!
My new Scarpa Stix have finally arrived!!

*update*
after two hours at home I was finally able to get them both on my feet... completely :)

*update*
after five days and some slightly excrutiating moments my shoes are breaking in fabulously!! They give me firm support in all the right places with (now that they are softening up) comfort that is unbelievable!!

...I'm very excited to see what these shoes and I will be capable of in the near future together :)

2007-12-28T07:43:00.000-08:00

...Training!

After two weeks of easy living and Christmas celebration it is time to get back in the groove of training again. I have felt a complete change in myself, especially in the last couple days. Restlessness when trying to sleep most likely due to a lack of anything even resembling physical activity.

I'm craving the feeling of moving again...
Climbing...

I have some lofty goals this year...

Bishop in 3 months!
;)

2007-12-18T12:59:00.000-08:00

These are my Parents...

It must be a form of genetic programming that produces that nervous/anxious feeling one gets when introducing a girl friend to the parents. I don't know why I feel that... there is no explicable reason for it... but it's there. That knot just above the stomach, between the lungs.

Maybe because this is the first girl I've introduced to my parents, that I am seeing?

...I hope they get along alright... or it will be a long three days!

2007-11-22T08:13:00.000-08:00

...Dinner for Two

I lean up against the counter while the pan starts to heat up the olive oil... her back to me cutting zucchini... my eyes trace the contour of her form, toe to frazzled hair.
I smile...

...the vegetables are sizzling in the pan, red and green peppers. White onions slowly caramelizing... the garlic... all hissing. The noodles boiling in the pot and the aroma of rich creamy Alfredo... the bitter sweet taste of the Merlot running across my tongue. Her arms wrapped around my waist and chin resting on my shoulder...

She leans up against me while we sit on the couch and watch a movie... I can smell her hair... feel her warmth... we share pieces of Nougat and Dark Lindt Chocolate. I can taste the chocolate on her lips...

I am still smiling.

2007-11-06T14:00:00.000-08:00

Brown Eyed Girl...

The pillow partially covering my face, I'm tired from the night before. I can feel my contacts on my eyes, reminding me that I haven't taken them out in more than 24 hours. The blanket is half way covering my chest... so warm and comfortable... I haven't been this comfortable in awhile.

I pass in and out of consciousness...
half asleep... half awake.

When the clouds break, the morning sun pierces through the blinds and dances on the walls, warming the room in temperature and colour.

I close my eyes...

She stirs a little...
Rolls over...

I open my right eye and she is looking at me from behind the pillow. Most of her face is hidden with the exception of her left eye and the corner of her mouth. Deep brown is the colour of her iris with a deep black pupil, staring with warmth. What she is pondering is only for her to know and me to guess.

She smiles her playful smile and buries her face in the pillow...

2007-11-01T07:18:00.000-07:00

...Language Barriers cont'd...

...time has passed now, more than a month in fact. That day feeling like a distant memory, sparking a now growing friendship involving some interesting conversations strewn with mis-interpretion and slight confusion. A part of me feels compelled to show her as much of the area as possible while she is here... although I'm not sure if it is entirely a feeling of being compelled as it may be more a desire to simply spend time with her. Learn about Camille..

...and her life back home.
Her dreams.

2007-10-12T19:02:00.000-07:00

...Gone Climbing.
Back in... :)

As I start to come to terms with the idea that maybe I was right in predicting a wet fall and an early winter. Come to terms with the idea that I may not be able to climb outside again for another 4 months... Mother Nature has to screw with me and give two glorious days of sun!

...I am totally taking advantage of this change and will be leaving to boulder in Squamish tomorrow morning.

2007-09-18T07:17:00.000-07:00

...Language Barriers

Slightly frazzeled brunnette hair...
...gives a sense of down to earth
Large eyes framed by thicker black glasses...
...makes me think alil' punk rawk
Long slender body...
...hmm

'This is Camille' Richard says walking up to a couple of us at Flashpoint a couple weeks ago. All of us turn from our deep discussion of how to send this boulder problem, to see this tall slender girl with dark brunette hair and a nervous quirky smile.

I'm instantly intrigued.

Thicker, black framed glasses and the choice in clothing to climb in leads me to believe that she has a sense of style. Very cute... you could tell almost right away that she wasn't a local.

Maybe she's from back east, I think to myself.

'She is here from France and doesn't speak much English' Richard continued. 'Camille will be around for awhile and seeing as you three are here all the time I'm introducing her to you in hopes that you'll help her out if she needs it.' With that said he turns and returns to what ever it was that he was doing up stairs.

Definitely from back east, I think to myself.

All three of us introduce our selves. Say the polite "Hi's" and "How are you's". I think she was a lil' overwhelmed or maybe not necessarily expecting Richard to put her on the spot. I seemed she was having a hard time understanding what we were saying I'm not sure but as soon as the intro's and awkward dialogues were done she kind of snuck away to continue climbing on her own.

We continued on trying the boulder problem and while we tried to link the two sections of the problem together I couldn't help but notice her around the gym. I thought about heading over and talking with her... get to know her a little. But she didn't really seem interested in the group of us... so I didn't.

The better portion of a week goes by before I am back to the gym for a short climbing session. As I'm heading out to the parking lot I pass her coming in... I smile and nod. She smiles back hesitates, then continues on leaving me awkwardly standing there by myself, half stride, expecting something... anything.

I walk away with this feeling in my stomach that I should have said something. I wish I said something.

A few more days pass.

I head into the gym to climb again climb for a bit. She walks in...
...and I notice her right away. It has been awhile since I've seen someone that does that... catches my attention right away. Or atleast someone I've briefly met.

The night moves on and the two people I climb with take off for the evening, too tired to climb any longer. But I stay and play around on some boulder problems. After a couple climbs I sit on the mat and pull off my shoes. After sitting there for a moment I noticed that she was sitting just a lil' bit further down the mat.

She smiles a big smile...
one of those big playful ones...
and quickly looks away...

2007-09-02T18:15:00.000-07:00

Karma... If Such a Thing...

...if such a thing never existed it certainly does now. It just burned me today.

2007-09-01T07:26:00.000-07:00

Long Weekend...

I cannot believe that I just bailed on a last minute hiking trip so that I could buy new tires and help someone move...

...while on my way to the persons house
...after waking up at 6:00am
...on a Saturday

...this weekend better hold something spectacular in store after what I've just done. I assume on some subconscious level this decision is for the better good?

I'm going to go drink my coffee and wait for Symons Tire to open.

2007-08-09T09:05:00.000-07:00

Perplexed...

I have been pondering for sometime now as to how I could possibly afford to buy one of the Brio condo's, or any decent condo and I just can't see how people do it. I have come to the conclusion that I would have to work two jobs in order to buy a place on my own. Or make double what I do now... not a very realistic idea.

But then I look around and I see other people doing it. Making it work... and I don't know how they do it. How can people dedicate so much of their lives to working... making money. I have a good friend and I swear that is all he does is work. Two full time jobs for the better portion of the year. I can't even get past the stage of contemplation when it comes to the idea of working a second job. Sure the money would be nice... but is it worth it. Is it justified in the end.

I suppose it all comes down to how much you want something. Commitment.

I want the best of both worlds, the nice modern condo with the open floor plan. The nice car. Nice living space with nice things. But I don't want to sacrifice anything more to get it.

...Does anyone want to buy a condo with me? :)

2007-08-02T14:04:00.000-07:00

...Today?!

I don't quite understand why... but for some odd reason I feel frustrated and somewhat exhausted.

...weird.

2007-07-30T12:05:00.000-07:00

Utah...

It all starts with this message...
'...she seems to be interested in joining me and two others for a month in moab - this november. Wanna come...?'

a simple question... that leads to a very complex situation... a situation that could be resolved if someone could tell me in a way that I would honestly believe...

'...its okay to quit your job to go climbing for a month.'

2007-07-17T07:27:00.000-07:00

Speach!

...the dreaded words I hear during a late night planning session for a wedding, of which I play the important role of best man. The word brings back memories of elementary school and early high school where you have to participate in public speaking... I was terrified of public speaking. My thoughts then turn to the day that I was asked to be best man and I didn't even hesitate an answer.

...If only I had taken a moment to really think that one through. Not that my answer would have been any different... I would hope.

Either way the wedding is a week and a half away and I don't have a word on paper. I have tried to sit down and think about how to write it. Even played around with a couple outlines. Nothing.

...I'm very concerned.

I will be trying to write again tonight.

2007-06-15T10:02:00.000-07:00

Sick...

It had just occurred to me this morning whilst emailing a friend from work that of the last 6 weeks, I have in fact been genuinely sick for the better part of 4 of them...
This is really odd...
Any of you that have known me over the last couple years know that I rarely get sick at all much less a couple times in a year, yet here I am fighting off the last bits of the stomach flu... the latest ailment. I am curious to know what exactly is going on with my body.

...maybe its almost time to see a doctor for a check up. *shruggz*

2007-05-28T13:46:00.000-07:00

I Hate our Server!

...to re-iterate... I hate our server! I have three bids that have to go out today(!!) and the server has a friken aneurysm over the weekend!

...

2007-05-18T09:53:00.000-07:00

Bishop Cont'd...

...now where did I leave off... ...I can't believe its already been a month since the trip!

Right... the V6.

With the lightheaded feeling still prevalent from what I had just accomplished we packed up all the gear and made our way out of the canyon. My head swirling from finishing the problem... I'm over whelmed with a feeling of happiness... so much so that I barely say more than a couple words the entire way out. It was almost to much to take... the emotions of being happy and sad all intertwined with a desire to stay. To stay and climb... now that is a novel idea! Jeremy and Candace had earlier made an offer to any two of us, an offer to travel with them for the remaining 3 months of their journey... and climb. Once again it was all to much to take.

There was no way that I would be able to stay... too many responsibilities. The thought floated away.

Now back at the trucks and loading the gear, we say our final goodbyes to the area. All of us with a solemn look on our face. The memories still fresh in our heads. We drive away down the washboard road for the final time in silence.

With a long drive ahead we make our way to the high way and start our journey home. We did not realize that despite our feelings of despair for leaving, excitement still lay before us. There was after all, another day and a half together.

The rest of this day was relatively uneventful, only a couple stops for food pee breaks. Although I must note that when we got back to the turn off for the hot springs near Mammoth Lakes, the weather was in the process of turning. I guess that is a sign that it was time to leave the area.

We drove and drove and drove some more. The way back home was intended to be a little more direct in that we would make a B-Line straight to the I-5 from Suzanneville instead of going back the way we came. We passed Mt. Shasta in the night and hit the I-5 close to midnight. A little way north just before we crossed from California into Oregon is where the "fun" for the evening began!

Manuel, Jason and Myself had been driving for some time now, I believe close to 8 hours maybe 10, and were getting pretty sleepy so we pull into a truck stop to setup camp and sleep for the night. Now in our drowsy state, non of us quite clued in to the rules of an over night truck stop. Rules being that one side was designated for trucks that would be idling all night and the other side for trucks that would be silent. We of course setup camp on the side that had the trucks running all night. It was, really, the only reasonable solution to situation *sarcasm*.

All I can say is... Worst Night Ever. ...eeeeever!

Attempting to sleep with the droning of the motors wasn't so bad... it was when the motor got to warm and the engine fan kicked in that got really annoying. The three guys slept in a tent on a some grass, while both the girls slept under the canopy in the truck bed... right beside the trucks. To make things even worse, the elevation gain while driving at night had cause the temperatures to drop (I swear) below freezing. That and for what ever reason, my nose started to bleed at 5am. ugh.

Needless to say, everyone was up early. Jo and Lorraine took off to try and "wash up" while Jason, Manuel and myself packed up the tent. Once packed up we drove the trucks over to the washrooms to wait for the girls. So we wait... and wait... ...and wait... then after about 30 minutes of waiting we decided to go check on them and make sure that nothing bad had happened (being in the middle of nowhere at a truck stop... who knows what could happen there... the guys washroom was testament to that... I'm not even going to put you through the mess in there!!). We finally decide to go check on them and that's when they walk out. Apparently by "wash up" they really meant "attempt to have a shower under a faucet in a shallow sink with cold water only and only one hand drier".

...see previous post, section describing how securely their tent was tied down...

(I'm laughing inside while thinking about this moment).

Anyways...

After razzing them for the idea we all pack into the trucks and leave. The girls plyte in the washroom, I must admit, had lifted every ones spirits from the painful night we left behind. Everyone was now in good spirit and this set the tone for the remainder of the day.

As we left the truck stop and turned up the highway, the clouds started to breakup and sun started to shine through across the valley to our left. The two trucks motored up through the pass before entering into another valley in southern Oregon and the beauty that was before us took my breath away! Fluffy clouds floating effortlessly with out a worry, patchy with sun shining through into the valley of marshmallow hills. The grass was greener here, alive. It was all farm or pasture land covering seemingly endless miles of softly rolling hills.

It was a sight right out of a faerie tale.

Taking one of the exits into Medford, we stop at a Starbucks to get some coffee. Climbing out of the truck into the warming sun was a wonderful feeling. I instantly had the urge to get changed into shorts with a t-shirt, and did just that. Walking out of Starbucks coffees in hand we all stood around chatting about how the morning was turning around. I just stood back and enjoyed the moment, dirty and smelly the lot of us, but not a care in the world.

Back on the highway, cruising along, taking in all the scenery Manuel pipes up and mentions that the coast is not that far away from where we were. This brings up the idea of heading to the coast of this leg of the journey. Oh my goodness, that would be the perfect end to this trip. After a little figuring, as in which route to take that would cost us the least amount of time getting home, we speed past Jason's truck and take the next exit. Stopping at a bagel shop for some food, we discuss the idea and without any hesitation everyone was in! Perfect!

I cannot even describe the next portion of the drive in words... but maybe a picture or two would help...

...I know...

...I wish I was there too...

We got to the coast and I have searched for the words to describe how it felt to be there... I think the pictures will do all the telling... maybe one phrase...

...it was like we were kids again!
Free from all worries...

..all concerns...

...and as it had become customary on this trip we all enjoyed a couple beers...

We spent a couple hours playing here... relaxing... truly enjoying the moments together. Then just like that we were on the road again, continuing along the coast until the connecting highway into Portland. From there we hit the I5 and a few short hours later it was 11:30pm and we were filling up the trucks for the last time. It was at this point we decided to say our goodbyes. Even though we were guaranteed to see each other again, in fact some of us the very next day, the goodbyes were heart felt and meaning full. Almost like we were never to see each other the same way again.

...thinking back to that moment, maybe that isn't too far from the truth. I know that I am now, not the same person I was on that trip. Life's issues and stress has consumed me once again, if not more so than before I left.

...these moments, the drive to and from, sending the V6, the beach. Sharing this time with these people. This will be with me for many years to come, the words I have typed describing it to who ever cares to read it, will only scratch the surface of the true experience.

2007-04-20T21:19:00.000-07:00

Bishop...

Where to begin... where to begin... Do I start two weeks prior when stress levels were peaking... or the hour after I left Manuels place that fateful Friday night when the check engine light came on while driving to the boarder crossing...

...or do I skip all that and get to the heart of the journey... one that saw two fantastic women climbers onsight a 5.11b traverse put up by the one and only Peter Croft... that saw some of us overcome a fear of highball boulder problems... and one that saw myself achieve something that I figured would have taken months of work.

Saturday [early] morning... Lorraine, Manuel and myself arrive at the 'Skull Hollow' campgrounds near Smith Rock to the heavy breathing and snores of fellow climbers sleeping. We stealthily (sarcasm) setup our tents in the campsite of our friends Joleen and Jason who had arrived the day before. Soon after the tents were up we proceeded to pass out for about 6 hours.

My eyes crack open to reveal daylight outside of the tent. I look over and see Manuel fast asleep, still curled in his sleeping bag. Hearing the noises of other campers out and about I climb out of the tent and join the likes of Jo, Jason and Julia for a mid-morning breakfast of eggs and random veggies. Soon after Lorraine and Manuel both crawled out of the tents to join the rest of us. At that moment, with everyone around the table talking, laughing and planning out the events of the day, it hit me like an unexpected fall off a boulder from 10 feet off the ground...
...I'm on vacation!

I quietly revel in the moment taking in the looks on every ones face, the topics of conversation... the laughter and smiles.

Jo quickly snaps off a shot of the group of us... and a second of me sporting my stellar Mohawk... freshly shaved a day and a half ago.

Who knew that this seemingly random group of people, who were at most friends with individuals of our collective, but some of us never having met the other prior to the this trip, would become a bunch who supported every achievement. A group that was so easy going, so easy to get along with... that when it was all over and everyone was on their way home... it was like loosing 4 good friends all at once.

Once breakfast wrapped up the six of us decided it was a good time to get some climbing done before we continued on from Smith to Bishop. Just as we pull out of the camp ground the sky decides to open up and remind us just how far away from home we were not! But not to be concerned for rain in Smith usually only lasts for 20 minutes tops... and then dries out 10 minutes later. An hour goes by and by this point we're waiting at the trail head in the covered area trying to decide if we stay or continue on.

Lorraine pipes up with a very sobering comment 'Did we leave to climb in Smith or Bishop?!'

At that point we all remembered what were doing. Smith was only to be a short stop to meet friends and say hi... maybe get on a project but Bishop was the ultimate destination. So we drove back to the camp, packed everything away wet and left. Julia stayed behind with friends she had already committed to climb with.

As the song goes we were 'On the road again...' [cheesy]

So we drove... and drove... all the way to... Bend. Yes Bend. A town about 30 minutes out of Smith. *grinz* we stopped for lunch at a wonderful cafe. And without wasting too much time was on the road... again. This time for the long haul.

After hours of driving with only minimal stops for stretching, gas and food we came to the conclusion that we were all too tired to continue driving and stopped on a dirt road to setup a roadside camp and sleep for the night. Didn't quite realize it that night but the spot we chose to sleep at couldn't have been more scenic. We all awoke to a spectacular view of the hills and desert. This sleep had revitalized everyone for the final push into Bishop, only four more hours away.

The four hours go by like two.

Next thing we know it's 2pm and we're pulling into 'The Pit' at pleasant valley, a little bit of a paradox, I know, but home non-the-less for the next five nights. We quickly setup camp consisting of a Kawasaki covered area and three tents all spaced openly across the 'site'. Once setup all of our thoughts centered on one thing... what and where to climb.

The quick and dirty solution was the area joyfully called 'The Happy Boulders' .

We all agreed that this was the best way to quench our thirst to climb... one that has grown to be overwhelming. After 10 minutes of organizing climbing gear and pads we were on our way. It was a great way to end the day... to wander... and play. To be re-introduced to the rock type and style of climbing here. The day came to a close without incident.

The next morning started in a casual manner with everyone waking up between 8:30am and 9:30am, then making a decent breakfast. Our goal today was to visit Owens River gorge and check out the roped climbs there.

The gorge is an amazing geological feature that I won't go into great detail to describe other than I whole heartedly recommend that anyone visiting the area, climber or not, should take an afternoon and explore the beauty waiting for them. There is a diverse and controversial history to the gorge that can be of interest to anyone.

A phenomenal 400 vertical foot decent awaits all visitors of the gorge. Unfortunately not so phenomenal that one would so willingly repeat it should they realize the guide book is still sitting in the truck and not in their pack.
[That would be me...]

Jason made the decision to proceed on without the guide figuring there would be enough people around that we could scam locations and directions to note worthy climbs from locals and other visitors. Little did we realize that this decision would lead us directly to two kind and generous gentlemen from the Kelowna area. We had sat down in front of a random climb [shaded of course] when the aforementioned men happened upon us and were more than willing to share information on the area and the climbs we should look out for. Namely Eldorado Cave, The Great Wall of China and The Pub Wall.

After we all had a run on the climb in front of us, we packed up and proceeded farther into the canyon to see this cave. What awaited us on the other side of the hill would be something dreams are made of, or at least the dreams of climbers. The cave, this Eldorado cave, was fabulous!

Approximately 500' from left to right, 70' deep and about 60' tall. It was bigger than one could imagine, not to mention the fact that it had three roofs. Yes I said it, three roofs, all with chain draws. It was a play ground... one to be explored another day. We continued down the Pub wall where Joleen, Lorraine and Jason showed their stuff on two 34 meter climbs.

Once the sun passed the west wall of the gorge, winds started to pick up and dropped the temps significantly... we decided at that point to pack up and start heading out. Once back at the trucks we decided we would search for the hot springs out toward Keough. Search we did! We drove through the desert for a solid hour before finding 'The Ditch'.

You laugh but I'm serious.

The spring was quite literally run off from the Keough's Hot Springs. A structure similar to an outdoor public pool with natural hot spring water piped into the pools and drain each night. The Ditch was the drained water.

Eww. [Not really that bad... but wouldn't want to see it in the light of day.]

The next morning was much like the previous three a late start with a decent breakfast. Kind of funny because we were slowly becoming known as the 'Afternoon Shift' to most of the other climbers.

They would all be on their way at the crack of dawn to be sure they could climb before it was too warm... by about noon they would all be tuckered out and heading out of the canyons when we were just on our way in. Not that we were overly concerned with what others thought of our schedule... just a funny observation.

Either way I couldn't be bothered because we were going to the Buttermilk boulders today and unlike last year, the weather was co-operating. No 50mph winds and snow. A nice, dry 22 degrees! We all pile into Manuels truck, the usual seating arrangement. Joleen and Jason in the back with Manuel driving, Lorraine in the middle squished in against me to avoid the transmission shifter and I in the passenger seat. Sorta. And we were off to the boulders. We find the area, but not without a detour out of town before realizing the road we're looking for is in the middle of town. Either way. We made it to the destination.

Everyone piles out of the truck with excitement and starts unloading the essentials along with the non-essentials. The essentials being sunscreen, climbing shoes, chalk bags, pads, food, water and the non-essentials being sunglasses, iPods, sweaters and books. With the truck locked and gear loaded we make our way through the boulders stopping at the first ones we see. We all make a run on a highish ball V1 up the prow of a boulder... once getting to the top realizing a common theme with these boulders.

The theme being... no Squamish walk offs.

All the boulders require down climbing another 'easier' problem in order to get off. Not usually an issue if you're accustomed to it... but non of us were. This lead to some interesting battle wounds and mini epics were I'm sure all of us at one point or another wished we had a rope and harness. We made our way to a boulder aptly named 'Iron Man' purely for the one prominent problem on it ironically named 'The Iron Man Traverse'. Funny how that works. It is a V4 with a four star rating and from my experience on it, is a spectacular climb getting progressively harder and thinner the further you advance on it until the final move that you have been building up to. A giant move to a textured sloper and a rock around the arete to good holds and the only walk off you'll find in the entire area! Fantastic!

The bunch of us probably spent 2 hours playing here... each taking turns climbing and falling... climbing and falling. By this point the two guys from Kelowna had joined us and offered to take us over to another fun line on the 'Tut Boulder' called 'Funky Tut'. The climb being a very thin V3 with three stars most certainly deserved a better rating than that! A high foot with a press and a crimp into a very balancy section finishing off with a big move off of a credit card flake for a right foot going to a suit case handle hold that you can't see until you're there! Wow... exhilarating! Although by this point I think once most of our group had finished it, we had managed to depress our friends from Kelowna seeing as this was their project and we just walked up and sent it. *Sorry*

By this point the sun had drawn most of the energy from us and the rock here at the Buttermilks was so unforgiving that our fingers and body were left raw and sapped of strength to continue climbing. At this point we decided to head out to the Mamoth Lake hot springs... all the way back across town and another hour of driving. But man alive was it worth it! The springs are in the middle of a dried out lake with a crusty white layer of sediment across it.

The particular spring we frequented, as well as countless other people, consisted of a cement tub with the hot spring water and cold water plumbed to it. The spring water was so hot that the creators of the tub valved the hot water to allow some control over the temperature. If left open, the spring water can heat the tub enough to scald your skin almost instantaneously. We got the the pull out and in sheer excitement everyone jumper out of the truck and started running across the lake to the tub.

Cold wind blowing north to south across the flat land... chilling you to the core. This only encouraged us to get there faster! Once there we were met with cheers from some people already pruning in the water. We all quickly dispensed with the shirts and shoes and hopped in the tub with the others. We all did the meet and greet with the four people already there who, oddly enough, were from Canada too. Mostly from Alberta but nice people non-the-less. They offered a couple beers and good conversation! It was neat to find out that these people were also friends with some people that Joleen and Lorraine both new, once again re-affirming how small this world really is. This tub became a focal point for the next couple days seeing as our next day was a rest day, we pretty much planned our entire day around ending up here again.

Once everyone was relaxed and tired of the cold winds we decided that it was time to head back to camp for sleep... I had already almost nodded off once or twice while sitting there. This is when we all realized that only I had brought a towel and non of us were intelligent enough to remember a light to find our way back to the truck. *sigh* With people shivering and stumbling through the dark we finally made our way back to the truck. First order of business, turn on truck. Second, crank heat. I proceeded to get changed behind the truck into some pants from my now frozen shorts, when I over hear that Lorraine is missing her scarf of sorts. So I grabbed a flash light and accompanied her all the way back to the hot tub where the scarf was left sitting beside the water.

It was still cold, but the second walk was almost refreshing.. the wind had subsided slightly. Just enough to not shiver :) I'm not so sure that was what Lorraine was thinking. The walk also gave me time to become slightly more acquainted with Lorraine whom I had never met nor heard of before this trip.

[Although she seems to know at least half of my friends directly, which makes the idea of me never meeting her all the more interesting].

I digress.

We arrive back at camp... loaded with wood pallets and proceeded to start a fire. Crash pads around the fire make very comfortable couches by the way... I can't even imagine what we would have done without them. The rest of the night was filled with climbing tales, epic journeys big and small from all parts of BC, and the western parts of North America. Some of them personal, some repeated tales from others we all know. People laughed, drank and enjoyed each others company. By one in the morning everyone was sound asleep dreaming of the adventures already had and the ones to come.

Little did we realize what was to come in the next days.

The following day was considered a rest day and such with rest days we took even longer than normal getting ready to attack the day. I don't think anyone was up until at least 10 and breakfast wasn't started until 11. We had all agreed the night before that we would like to shower. The girls had snuck into an RV park private shower earlier in the week and intended to do the same today while Manuel, Jason and myself decided to drive to Keough and fork out the $3 to shower there. It was a beautiful day. Warm air with a slightly warmer breeze. Very relaxing.

Once clean we head back to town and meet with Lorriane and Joleen at the Starbux. The rest of the day was spent wandering through town, checking emails at a internet cafe and eventually after dinner making our way back out to the Mamoth Lakes hot springs. Once thoroughly soaked in hot water and taking advantage of the scenery by getting some stellar photo's we make our way back to camp where everyone packs it in right away. The wind had started to pick up at this point and was getting very very cold.

Painfully I opened my eyes... a lil' groggy still and stiff from the cold night. My hands not wanting to make a fist... something I'm used to when climbing but not something that normally happens on a rest day. It must have been very cold that night. 'What is this against my head' I think to myself. I realize its my tent wall pushed against my head, not fully understanding that it is there due to a relentless wind blowing through the valley we were in.

I am awake now and can hear the wind howling outside. It's blowing hard enough that a feeling of concern wells up inside me. I grab some clothes and reluctantly slide out of my sleeping bad into the cold air that filled the tent. Once fully clothed, pants, underwear, sox, t-shirt, hoodie, sweater, gloves, and hiking shoes, I stumble out of the tent into the open. A gust of wind, determined to knock me and my tent over, blasts through the camp ground. I give a little shiver. Looking around I notice that the weather has seemingly taken a turn for the worst, clouds trying to push through the Sierra mountains to the west and clouds pushing past the White mountains to the east. A wierd sight to be seen.

As I meandre through the camp site towards the truck mirrors so as to insert my contact lenses. I notice Lorraine is awake writing in her journal. We exchange polite greetings, both commenting on the strange weather and how we maybe should have taken today as the rest day instead of the beautiful day we had yesterday. In consistant fashion everyone slowly arose from the dead of sleep by mid morning and each one declared that it was a miserable day. The winds were strong enough it had nearly collapsed my tent and we were at risk of loosing the Kawasaki covered area. Once everyone was awake we quickly ran around the site reinforcing all the tent stakes and ties. We collapsed the covered area so that it did not take flight.

And then we got to the girls tent...

Now I should explain that when we got here Manuel, Jason and I had pretty much bomb proofed our tents so they could not blow away in the wind. We had rocks piled on guylines and the stakes. We had tie offs to full shrubs and small bushes. I believe by the end of the trip Jason tent had close to 12 tie off points to keep his tent from flying away. The girls tent, as we just now found out, was some how the most stable of all the tents by being tied off to the following: [This list is for Robyn]

1- Small Rock

2- Tufts of Grass

1- Stake

Yes. You read right... tufts of grass. *shakes head*... I just don't get it sometimes.

Anyways..

Continuing on...

After hours of debate we decided to reluctantly make our way to Happy Boulders... almost... about 5 minutes up the road we changed our decision to Owen's River Gorge instead where Jason, Manuel and I witnessed an impressive show put on by Lorraine and Joleen. Once in the gorge we made our way directly to Eldorado Cave where Lorraine was going to lead the 5.11b traverse put up by the one and only Peter Croft. The line is called 'Towering Inferno' and with a five star raiting, is spectacular in that it is 45m of traverse! 45m! Not only did the two of them have the balls to try it... Lorraine onsighted the climb and Jo took one fall at the tricky move through the 4th bolt. It was all the three of us guys could do other than to photo document the feat! Once they were down from their climb we proceeded into the cave to play on some 5.12's that had fixed chain draws. All in all not a bad day considering the possible catastrophe that could have occured due to the weather. The odd thing about the day is that we all thought that becaus the wind was howling through the valley at the floor level, that Owens River Gorge would have become a wind tunnel. Quite the opposite though. Almost no wind. Wierd.

The day came to a close with a quick fire to help relax and as the fire died down people slowly made their way to bed, dreams of climbing to come filling their heads.

The next day I was determined to make it back to the Happy boulders. I had been flipping through the guide book and each time I became captivated with a picture of Lisa Rands climbing 'The Hulk'. A four star V6, slightly overhanging problem that has a big move in the middle. Now I had made a goal for myself this year and that was to climb V7 by next christmas. Little did I realize how attainable that goal was. I wanted to atleast attempt this climb while I was here, not necessarily finish it but just try it out.

We made our way into the boulder field almost instantly meeting up with some other friends on a 4 month trip, Jeremy and Candace. They had been here a couple years in a row and knew the area pretty well, so the two of them took us to a couple climbs to warm up with. One being a highball V1, the other being an overhung V2. Once those were completed I knew where I wanted to go and made a b-line straight for it. I still remember it as though it happened yesterday, walking along the path... and then there it was all of a sudden right infront of me.

...In all of its glory.

I threw down my pad and looked at the problem.. sessing out the possible sequence... looking for the crux and possible solution. Thinking what I would have to do to make this move... it was huge. Once everyone else arrived at the boulder we poked around at a V2 called Big Bird on the end but that wasn't what I wanted. I got bored with that right away and decided now was the time to give the project a try. There was a young girl and (I assume) her boyfriend already there playing around on the first couple of moves. Making it to the crux each time but not really commiting to the stance required to setup for the big move.

I look the problem over a couple more times... usually stopping and at the show stopper move wondering how I was going to do that. Figuring I'll figure it out when I get to that point I sit down at the base and work through the moves. A lil' ackward trying to find the right way to hit each hold. Moving a lil in-efficiently. Thinking about the moves waaay to much. I get the pinch and the sinker pocket.. try to setup for the tense undercling/intermediate.. bumble my feet and blow the intermediate falling back in the pads. I get up and walk it off. I am determined now... I will send this project before we leave. I make repeated attempts on the problem... spending close to 4 hours in front of it. Making progress towards the goal but not sticking THE move.

Near the end of the afternoon I had gotten so far as to make the crux move but once made I had pumped myself out of being able to move anyfurther. After that I decided it was time to let it go for the day. There was after all one more half day of climbing left. The rest of the afternoon was spent putzing around watching the everyone else climb a couple highballs and try another V4 called Beach Bones. A fun line but I was too tired to actually give it a serious try. The day was done at that point. We all went back to camp beat and drained. All I could think about for the rest of the evening was the sequence to the Hulk.

The final day of climbing was a lil' different that usual in that once breakfast was done instead of climbing right away we had to pack. It was a sad moment. Untieing the guylines and removing all the rocks. Packing everything away. But c'est la vie right? I was still excited to get back to the boulders. So excited that when we got back I had forgotten to bring my shoes along and had to go back to retreve them. During that time Jason and Lorraine attempted a V4 crack called 'Hard Crack'... and hard it was. So hard they even attempted to top rope it. Lorraine, uncharacteristically, struggled on it initially but after a bit of work finished it. Now back from grabbing my shoes I made my way without stops directly to the Hulk. I sat infront of the climb and moved through the moves making it to the same crux move as the day before... winding up for the big throw... and missed. Down on the pads I go. Most of the morning went that way on this climb. Joleen, Jason, Manuel, Lorriane, Jeremy and Candace all showed up and started working on a V3 problem called Solarium. Steep and balancy. But its not as though they were ignoring me and my attempted conquest. They still lividly showed their support as I tried and tried again to send the problem.

As the morning wore on I was getting to the point where I was thinking maybe this wouldn't go this trip. Maybe this was not the time for me to complete this problem. Then all of a sudden I try and made the crux move! I matched on the hold and moved through the next two moves... but with difficuty... and pumped out working up to the last move. I had once again bumbled my feet and couldn't get set for the last two moves. I fell straight to the pads. Quickly trying two more times in an attempt to just finish it I couldn't make the move anymore. I felt defeated. Joleen and Jeremy had both just sent Solarium a few minutes earlier and were now standing around me. I was packing up my stuff figuring the day was done when another guy working the problem, Mike, all of a sudden sent the problem. Joleen turned to me and said 'You have to try it one more time'. I shook my head figuring it would turn into one of those situations that occur where you get hurt trying it one last time. She looked at me and said 'Try it one more time... you can't break the send train!'

She was right. Why not try it one more time. There was 20 hours of driving ahead... worse case is I hurt myself. There is two days of healing ahead.

I pull out my shoes, unfold the pad and calm myself. Brush a lil' chalk across my hands. I look at the problem, Joleen pipes up one last time that I remember hearing, 'Don't think about it, just move naturally.' I take a deep breath and sit in the dust at the bottom of the climb. The wind blows some dust around...

And I move... Left foot on the half moon credit card, right on the rubber smeared nub. Hands relaxed on the textured jug ledge. I twist my left hip in and slide my left hand into a jug under cling. Twist the opposite direction and stand higher, reaching around the bulge to the left. My right hand hits the finger slot at the top of the bulge perfectly. I step my left foot onto the start hand ledge and reach high to the flairing shallow crack with the perfect thumb catch. Pinching just right, I switch feeting and control a fall into a sinker pocket with my right hand from the finger slot. From there I suck my body up and stand left foot on the bulge and right heel hooked on a catch around the other side of the bulge. I pull hard with the right heel and ease my right hand onto a small undercling... all the while the angle of the boulder is forcing me to hang back... Once on the undercling I release the heel hook and slide the big toe into the sinker pocket. This is the setup for the crux move... with the toe pulling hard you release the right hand again and push high and far behind you for a tectured sloped block. Contact... my hand hits the hold like many times before... but always sliding off... except... it doesn't slide off this time! I stuck the move! Not allowing myself to get excited yet I release my left hand from the pinch it has been holding so long now and match on the sloped block. My feet break loose and my lower body swings. I pull everything together and lift my left foot up heeling hooking a small, almost vertical pocket. I press my right foot on the wall below my left heel and push up and hit the rail skipping a small crimpy hold. Once on the rail I move my feet to the block and match hands on the rail. Starting to get excited with only one more move left... I step on a small nub, rock onto my toe and move through to a crimp and bump to a jug. Once on the final jug I pull through to the top of the boulder, turn and sit. A huge grin on my face. I just sent my first V6.

Now after all this typing... I'm tired. This is not however the end of the trip. There is still one more fantastic day where we end up at the dunes in Oregan after driving through a very narrow but beautiful valley, finally ending up at home in bed sound asleep. But as mentioned I'm tired.. and plan on climbing in Hope tomorrow. So I leave you with this. A ridiculously long blog that I think I will only ever fully enjoy... partially due to length.

2007-03-26T20:50:00.000-07:00

Working Overtime...!

I'm drowning in work...
too much work...
endless oceans of paper with no hope on the horizon!
Technical mumbo jumbo runs through my brain most of the day,
I find myself thinking about tenders, quote, drawings, numbers... so many numbers
they're starting to drag down my spirit.

I've felt less and less motivated to do much of anything besides sleep.

Last weekend we had people over for a friends birthday and I couldn't have felt less sociable if I tried. I had no desire to be chatty or witty. Not even small talk.

I'm sick of climbing in gyms... I desperately need to get on some rock or just get away.

2007-03-22T12:53:00.000-07:00

Time Flies!

Wow! The time has flown by in the last month... I find it hard to believe that I haven't written anything in close to a month! The funny thing is alot has happened, some I don't care to really write about and some not worth writing about.

...All I can really say is that I'm really looking forward to the road trip in two weeks! Get away from everything that has been happening around here... and relax abit.

...relax... I've almost forgotten what that feels like... to truely have no worries about work, friends, family, money and life...
...I can't wait!

2007-02-27T09:57:00.000-08:00

Dating...

This is probably why I don't have a girlfriend... I can't stand the nauseous feeling accompanied with the idea that someone is going to get hurt by a decision I make. Shuffling through perfectly good looking, intelligent women like I'm shopping in a grocery store... I despise the idea, its an ugly metaphor.

...falling victim to the sometimes irresistible need to check if the grass is greener on the other side... knowing full well that if I do check, I pretty much guarantee that the woman I'm currently interested in will be offended and not want to talk or see or have anything to do with me...

...and in the off chance that she does still talk to me... I can only assume that trust would be an issue.

...or maybe I should stop over analyzing things.

2007-02-05T10:38:00.000-08:00

Recovery!!

Climbing yesterday at Flashpoint, I decided to sit in front of a project of mine...
Concerned that it might be to much too soon for a delicate injury...
Calming myself with the thought that I'll stop if it hurts...
Concentrating, I squeeze the sweat out of each tips pad...
Chalking thoroughly, ensuring adequate coverage...
Cautiously I reach for the start holds, adjusting my position...
Charting a course across the wall, I pull up, hook and reach...
Contracting every muscle between my feet and shoulders I smoothly reach...
Contact, the hold is small and far, leaving me stretched in an awkward position...
Controlling every move, keeping the hips in tight, I flow...
Ceaselessly moving through the sequence of sustained moves...
Caressing each hold with minimal effort, maintaining weight on my feet until the...
Crux!
Constantly spitting me off in previous attempts, attempts so numerous...
Counting them would fill days...
Conviction setting in I push through the nerves and reach for that unforgiving pocket...
Centered and balanced, I slip my fingers in with dead accuracy...
Crushing all doubt in mind that I would not...
Could not finish this project...
Cheering as I stretch to the ceiling and across to the end hold...
Childishly falling to the mat below...
Captivated, people congratulate me on my success.

- At last I'm seeing results from resting the fingers :)

2007-01-31T12:40:00.000-08:00

Coffee House Crush... *le sigh*

What is the etiquette on asking someone out while they are working?

Anyone?
...

2007-01-26T12:48:00.000-08:00

California Here I Come...

After a week of tedious work trying to catch up with all the jobs left behind by a recently departed co-worker, I not only find a ray of light in the mess of papers and files, but also that plans for another trip to California are coming together quite nicely!

The original plan of 2-4 people getting together and enjoying the 24 hour drive to Bishop, CA. for a 9 day bouldering trip has as recently as yesterday, potentially grown to include anywhere from 6-8 people between two vehicles. I find this surprising considering less than 4 days ago, and for 2 weeks prior, the core three of us were having a difficult time coaxing others to join the party.

This excellent news has really got me excited for the trip...
now if only we could co-ordinate a time to meet and discuss exactly what week we're taking!

2007-01-16T09:21:00.001-08:00

Climbing Injuries...

Alas!
I have re-injured my fingers.
Right middle finger, right ring finger and left ring finger... all between the lower and middle knuckles.
Frustration ensues.

*sigh*

How am I supposed to climb V7 and 5.12a with three injured fingers!!

...

2006-12-29T12:31:00.000-08:00

Chance Encounters...

The glimpse of a beautiful young woman catches my eye as I read the paper and eat my Starbucks sandwich. Without starring I do the quick once over...

Appealing shape...

Long legs...

Skinny but not too skinny...

Shoulder length brunette hair that is well kept and parted to one side...

'Very nice' I think to myself while returning to the article on Canada loosing its foothold in China's economic market.
Boring. Next article. Hmmm a new airline startup flying out of Toronto... Boring. Then I hear it... a soft [presumably] South African accent, 'A Grandé Mocha... and a low fat fruit swirl if possible'.

I glance behind me... hopefully not too obviously... it's her! That sweet sound is coming from her... how intriguing!Instantly I desire to know who she is and where she is from... but I refrain from asking as she brisks by me to wait for her drink. I don't want to give the impression that I'm some sort of creep, so I let these thoughts pass as I have in the past with thoughts of other beautiful women.

Back to the paper... where was I... Canada and China. Right... no... new airline right. Slightly distracted with the presence of this person... I continue to read ignoring everything around me now.

...well most everything.

While grazing through the various articles on the page for something interesting to read I finish the last bite of my sandwich. I clean up the wrappers and napkin, crumpling it into a ball. I get up... walk to the trash and toss it out. As I turn and walk back there she is sitting in the arm chair 10 feet away, directly across from my seat. I return to my chair at the table and pick up the paper trying not to pay attention to her; fighting submission to my insecurities.

...there is no way she would be interested in me
...she is too beautiful for someone like me
....

Then I realize that I am looking right at her. Her silky smooth hair partially hiding her face from site as she peruses her newspaper.

She looks up...
Directly at me... through the few scattered people waiting for drinks near the counter.
Our eyes connect... pale blue...
She smiles...
I smile realizing she is looking at me and not someone near me... there is no one around me.

Still smiling she glances back at her paper...
Unable to take my eyes off her... she glances back at me still smiling, catches my eyes again and smiles even bigger...

...embarressed I quickly lower my eyes back to the paper in my hands, still grinning.

I can feel the blood rushing to my cheeks... my face is probably glowing bright red now... my heart beating a little harder now. I chuckle at my reaction inside my head. 'What a goof I am' I think to myself.

I try to read a little more of the article but the vision of her smiling face keeps interupting. I glance back at her and there she is, eye's locked on me again. I smile again and stare back into her eye's pondering what I should do next.

'Talk to her you idiot!' is what is screaming through my head now.

I look back at my paper. The debate raging through my head... to talk to her or to submit to my insanely overwhelming shyness. I finally come to a conclusion... one that I am all to familiar with... one that I haven't seemed to beable to overcome... what am I going to say to her? Something witty? ...charming? ...or just stumble to find the words to say.

This is becoming all to tiring... this same conversation... time and time again.

I hate this part of myself... sooo much. Infuriating even. I succomb to my insecurities once again... I pack up and leave without saying even one word. By the time I reach my car the part of me that argues so fiercely against doing anything is gone now leaving me with the feeling of regret...

...regret.

2006-12-19T07:54:00.000-08:00

Beta Blogger...

Upgrading... I really don't mind it... infact I welcome anything that can make a task simpler to do with minimal effort exerted on my behalf. I just despise change when you get a warning like...

Please note the part where I lose many of the changes made to the template... *sigh*

2006-12-11T14:24:00.000-08:00

Occupational Boredom Leads to...

A slow down on the work load over the last month has left me with an over abundance of time to think about all the things in life... work, money, cars, friends, family, relationships, climbing and the sorts. I have come to the conclusion that I spend way to much time thinking about women...

...it is really quite distracting! ...and at the same time leaves me a feeling of loneliness.

Now the idea of being lonely is not new to a lot of people, much less myself. I have grown accustomed to being by myself while travelling through life... fulfilling any whim within my financial and moral means. Including leaving for Cuba for a 10 day vacation... heading to Squamish virtually every weekend last summer between the beginning of July and the beginning of September.

But lately... this recurring desire to have a significant other there has been preoccupying most trains of thought...

...being involved in some sort of romantic encounter...

...slightly depressing.

2006-12-06T14:28:00.000-08:00

THE ROAD NOT TAKEN

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
[Robert Frost; Mountain Interval 1916]

Some how this poem has followed me through life...

2006-12-05T09:24:00.000-08:00

...Burning Out?

Def: A psychological term for the experience of long-term exhaustion and diminished interest.
[Wikipedia]

Is this what it feels like? ...to burn yourself out?
To do something so much that it's done to the point of exhaustion? There's no way I'm burnt out!
The last three months have been very tiring and I think the continuous climbing/bouldering indoors is starting to take its toll on me. Maybe its the fact that I haven't touched real rock in 2 1/2 months and climbed indoors right through the second half of the climbing season.

...maybe its that I haven't really stopped or slowed down since I started climbing two years ago... not even through the winter. The last couple days I've been feeling sluggish, uninspired and even out of shape. I have been seriously doubting my abilities...

...my diet might be out (more so than usual) and is causing all this... I did after all start taking multi-vitamins again. Probably should reduce the amount of sugar I eat.

I think I just need to rediscover my love for climbing by tying into a rope and actually climb... as opposed to boulder. Feel the wind blowing... sucessfully navigate the sequence of moves... feel the excitement of being that far off the ground... feel confident of my abilities again!

*sigh* I'll stop my mindless ramblings here...

2006-12-01T12:46:00.000-08:00

Wii vs. PS3...

I found this on one of my travels through the internet... laughed enough that I figured I should share it with others :D

*for the gamer in every boi*

...*blink*... *blink*...

...I think I'm going to go buy a Wii now! ;)

2006-11-28T14:51:00.000-08:00

One Thing Leads to Another... (Karma?)

For those of you who have not heard me bitch/moan about my mishap with the TDi... your luck is about to improve!

It all started Friday morning re: Caffeine... . A couple hours pass since posting the blurb in which, for whatever reason, I was super crabby, unagreeable and proceeded to tear a strip out of Mike (In hind sight, over a seemingly pointless disagreement regarding a trucks layout). Once settling down and realizing what an uncharacteristic ass I've been over the last couple hours I decided I'd take off a couple minutes early for lunch.

...walking out the front of the building to my utter motification I find my black Golf TDi literally coated from grille to hatch in bird shit! *pause... heart skips a beat*

Now... most people who have known me for atleast the last six months know that (generally) I keep my car pretty clean and wash it on average once a week if not twice. So to have the car covered much less one drop of bird crap is completely unheard of.

Once the shock finally wore off I climbed into the car and started her up.
'Somethings not right...'
The thought sent panic racing through my head;
Something just wasn't right;
There was a new noise... a rattle.

Unable to do anything about it at the time and partially writing it off the unusually cold weather I went out for lunch. The remainder of the work day passed uneventfully.

I get home and after putt-ing around the house for abit I got bored... called Vince and made plans to hit up 'Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny'. Well... after starting up the car... the rattle is there again. Once again (foolishly) ignoring the sound, we make our way out to the cinema.

Blah blah blah... needless to say the movie was good got home and decided to call the shop the next morning.

'Our shop hours are from 8am - 5:30pm... Monday to Friday... please leave a message at the tone.' *click*
that's what I get Saturday morning from the shop. Frustration sets in and I decide to pull the engine cover off and atleast try to see where the noise is coming from. Weird... Its coming from the valve cover area... a rush of possible problems cloud my mind. Not knowing what to do... I proceeded to wash the car and give myself sometime to think things through. A couple hours go by and I still couldn't think of what the issue could have been. Later that night I got an invite to head into Langley and play pool and still unsure as to what the problem could be I decided it couldn't get much worse if I drove it one more time.

Little did I realize.

Before I even got to the Mt. Lehman exit the coolant level warning light starts blinking...
'...' *blink* *blink*
My response to the situation.

I pulled off at the next exit... pulled into a gas station and popped the hood. Sure enough... no fluid in the resevoir and steam rising off the passenger side of the block. The water pump is done for. Without even thinking to top up the resevoir with water I just drove the car home.

Sunday morning I woke up and dropped off my car at the mechanics... walked in the cold and snow to Starbucks and proceeded to drown my concerns with a Mocha Frappaccino while waiting for a friend to pick me up.

About ten in the morning on Monday... I get the fateful phone call from the mechanic. Now I was expecting it to be an expensive fix... maybe $700 - $900 tops! Like really... how much could a timing belt and water pump cost with installation?
...wrong...
'...and now the bad news...' says the receptionist at the mechanics. A sorry attempt at preparing me for what would be some unexpected news.
'The estimated cost will be $1,475.' she says hesitantly. I almost choke on my dismay.
...coughing and sputtering all I could manage was a gasp resembling '...what?!'

The [kind] receptionist went on to describe the damage and the cost breakdown. I told her to hold off on the work seeing as I don't exactly have $1,500 just sitting around. After hanging up the phone I took some time and thought the situation through. How I could get the money. Could I get Langley VW to pay for the work even though warranty was up.

I went for lunch.

After lunch I called the dealership I bought the car at and argued with them over who should be taking care of the situation. Over lunch I discovered that the dealership recommends changing the water pump if you get the timing belt replaced; that it was part of their procedure to ask if you want to change the pump at the same time seeing as its driven by the timing belt.

Apparently they don't take their own advice.

According to my papers the timing belt was changed 2 weeks prior to me purchasing the vehicle at which time the water pump was NOT changed. A little hypocrisy? I thought so... and argued my case for an hour over the phone (seeing as I cannot drive out there to do it in person). All I got out of it was 50% off the water pump and free coolant.

...this is me... not impressed.

...after hanging up the phone I then sit for about another hour trying to come up with various ways of pulling $1,500 out of my ass. The only reasonable solution... ...ask the parents.

I talk to my parents... ...with great regret they are unable to assist me. They just purchased a big screen TV and don't have that kind of money just sitting around.

...the stress is building... all they can suggest is to talk to my boss and see if they can help me out.

...

*some how I keep thinking that if I didn't drink as many Mocha Frappacinno's the financial worries would be non-existant*

*Update*
...my boss graciously financed the work to be done on my car. *sigh of relief*

2006-11-24T08:02:00.000-08:00

Caffeine...

I would like to start things off with this...
'My name is Trevor... ...and... ...I have a physical dependancy on caffine.'

I woke up with a headache this morning. I'm not sure if it was from the lack of caffine in my system or from the thought of how much I spend on coffee each month.
...I think I need an intervention.

*My friends reading this are probably thinking 'You don't even drink coffee!'*

2006-11-20T12:48:00.000-08:00

Competitive Climbing...

'To climb or not to climb' competitively seems to be the thought constantly recurring over the last couple days, causing spells of day dreaming and mind wandering. I need to register by Dec.1 but am unsure if it something that I want to do...
...turn something that I've been doing for the last two years as recreation and my form of escapism into something that is [ultra-]competitive. I already have doubts about my abilities and do I really need to compete against others of a similar ability just so I can see how I compare to everyone else? Or do I consider it a personal test of the training I've been putting myself through over the last 2 months?

...of which I still have my doubts...

Additionally, should I compete, do I challenge myself and enter Advanced (V5+) and compete with the best locally or do I concede to my doubts and enter Intermediate (V2-V4) for experience only. I personally believe that the V5+ will be way out of my league... especially to flash on the first attempt... but it would be a challenge.

**Update**
After much mental anguish and probing of friends opinions... I have decided to enter the competition in the Intermediate catagory. The comp is on Dec. 2nd... feel free to come down and watch... The mens scramble starts at 11:30am.

Location: Cliffhanger (Coquitlam). 98 Brigantine Drive, Coquitlam, BC, V3K 6Z6

2006-11-07T14:16:00.000-08:00

Women...

I still find it amazing how a single women can have such an effect on me...
even after months have passed since last I saw them...
a subtle thought of a single moment...
brings a flood of memories, emotions...

...desires...

I sometimes think... ...ridiculous

2006-11-02T08:54:00.000-08:00

Parade of Lost Souls

Wow! The first thought that screamed through my head as we walked up the street towards the lights and sounds coming from a mass of people. Hundreds of ghouls, goblins, heroes and heroines amassed around 5 or 6 (I could quite see through or over the group despite my 6'2" height) well costumed musicians as they played random rythms and melodies in unison. The combination of people dancing in the street, the music, the buzz of energy through the masses spark a feeling of excitement that runs from head to toe... inspiring me to join in the dancing. All this energy and we haven't even reached commercial drive. Infact the group of us, consisting of Erin, Bob, Andrew, Melody and Myself, were still 2 blocks away from 'the Drive'!

The musicians finished the last melody with a cheer from the crowd and pack up to move on to another location. As the crowd disperses the group of us continue up the street getting closer to commercial drive. Weaving through the congestion of people, we stop occasionally to watch the mini-shows and admire decorations people have put together. Displays of stilted people juggeling flaming sticks while posing for pictures, Cerebrus with all three heads pushed through the chain link fence howling at unexpecting passers by.

After much wandering through the perimeter streets, chasing every distracting spectical, we finally reach the main event and what an event it was! Music, cheers, pops, bangs, the shuffle of people pushing through crowds of other people, dancing, dramatic displays of excitment ...quite literally ...no I'm serious, there was a guy costumed as a giant penis who had two younger women following him around occasionally rubbing against him 'causing' him to stand straight up and bounce around in excitment shooting silly string into the crowds of people! All five of us point and laugh!

Then came these creatures... stilted, dressed black with wings for arms and bird like skeleton heads (see above) sqwacking at seemingly random people. Dancing to the music playing around them, they move through the crowd as if there is an invisible force around them pushing people out of their way. There is something entrancing about the way they move as they dance... I can't take my eyes off them. Beautiful and eerie at the same time!

At this point our group splits up. Bob and Erin having been to this parade in past years, are more interested in meeting up with other friends while Melody, Andrew and I are content weaving through people, dancing and just having a good time... it was like being a kid again! Then at 10 o'clock (almost like Mother Nature was keeping track of the time) the clouds decided to open up and pour down rain bringing an end to the party. With Army Soldiers, Devils, Witches, Scantily clad female police officers (one of my favorite costumes) and the likes quickly vacating the area, the three of us decided to head back to the cars. We made our way through town to Subeez for some dessert and coffee where we deliberated what to do for the remainder of the night. After much talk I decided it best to head home instead of staying out, for I had a long day that day and had an even longer day awaiting me. We said our goodbyes and within minutes was on the road home.

2006-10-25T10:27:00.000-07:00

...Work

-Morning...-
-Boss1 rushes into the office all in a huff... ranting about pricing and how we are not competitive enough-

Boss1- 'We need to sharpen our pencils on our pricing! We need to be more competitive!'
Me- '...'
Boss1- 'No fluff in the quotes... I don't care if it $30 or $30,000 if they don't ask for it, we don't include it!'
Me- '...uhm ok...'
Boss1- 'Cheap is CHEAP!'

-Boss1 leaves in the same whirlwind he arrived in-
-10 minutes later... Boss2 saunters into the office-

Boss2- 'I need you guys to add $12,000 to all the quotes...'
Me- '...*confused*... can I ask what for?'
Boss2- '...*pauses for a minute* ...I can't tell you...'
Me- '...'

-Next morning...-
-Boss1 rushes into the office all in a huff... ranting about pricing and how we are not competitive enough-

Boss1- 'We need to sharpen our pencils on our pricing! We need to be more competitive!'
Me- '...'

Can anyone tell me how one is supposed to work with this kind of thought process?
*...sigh*

2006-10-11T15:15:00.000-07:00

Tattoo's...

An amazing tattoo that I found a picture of... I have always been fasinated with tattoo's and piercings as a form of self expression through art. I'm not too sure
what about this one that makes it so attractive...

...maybe the body that it is attached to...
...or how it accentuates it...

The shaded accents around the base tribal design are what really make this particular design stand out.

2006-10-02T15:12:00.000-07:00

I need some change...
it feels like life is getting stagnant...
maybe a girl in my life...
a new job/career...
another move...
something more drastic... any suggestions?