Life is a Mysterious Thing...

I sit here, mere hours before having to be awake again, thinking how different life has been for me over the last couple months. What started as a means of escaping/releasing boxed up emotions suddenly grew into something more... what that thing is, I'm not quite sure.

Since mid march I have been to California... twice, Oregon, Washington, Utah, and Alberta to boulder/climb... without mentioning the numerous trips to Squamish in between. During that same period of time I have discovered a great desire to grow and change as a person... to experience new cultures... Have felt both a need to quit my job and a fear that I may loose my job. Have met more new people than I can remember...
I'll be moving out on my own for the first time in four years which is both exciting and scary... I have friends around me who are making monumental life decisions as well. Decisions that can sometimes make my choices and thoughts seem like pocket change in the grand scheme of things.

I think a lot of this is good...
but still I sit here...
and wonder...
am I living life to its full potential?
what life has in store for me next?
...and will I be ready.

...

Despite the fact that I have great friends...
great family...
I still have this empty feeling...

a feeling of being alone in life... I am so fucking tired of this feeling.

I try to control myself... and the desire to go out with someone purely to have them there filling this void... I don't want to get involved with someone because of this feeling. I want to be involved with someone whether for the rest of my life or for one night because of mutual passion. Purely physical, mental or anything other than for the sake of not being alone.